Mixed Race

As many of our friends know, T and I are not of the same race, therefore our children are of "Mixed Race." For me, this was a huge deal. I don't mean to insinuate that I am a "racist," which I think has some very negative connotations, but I won't sugar coat it and say that I wasn't, in many ways, full of a lot of stereotypical racist data from my years of growing up in a white bubble that was Connecticut. Many of my misconceptions about people of any other race were formed by my interpretation of what I saw on TV, what I heard from other people and the lack of experiences that I had with people of other races and cultures. I don't remember ever feeling "superior" to anyone of another race, but there was a definite fear that existed when I came in contact with someone who was different. Why fear? and not wonder?? or excitement??? Again, most likely the lack of exposure.

Moving to DC right out of college proved to be a wonderful lesson in culture for me. A couple friends of mine have communicated to me that Americans are greatly lacking in "culture," and I still don't know what they are talking about! (haha - I mean, really, what about DisneyWorld??) But what Americans lack in culture, I think they make up for in variety. At least around here. Our neighborhood alone must represent several countries, cultures, religions and even mixtures of them. Look at us! And if you look around, there are examples of us everywhere in our part of the country, and I suspect everywhere.

When T and I first started talking about getting married about 13 years ago, I had some reservations. I'll admit it - I was afraid for my children! We both wanted children so we didn't have the option of not at least trying. But I wondered, what box will they check on those standardized tests?? What will they tell people when they are asked what race they are?? How do I teach my children about their racial culture when I know little or nothing about it? Of course, having been born and raised in the US, T hasn't been much of a help here, either!

I have to say it's been an interesting journey answering all these questions and more! Children very easily embrace these issues because to them, they don't mean a whole lot. They say very profound things, very innocent things that make me think. I have chosen to tell the girls that they are Chinese, because that is what their last name says and each of them has some Chinese physical characteristics. Of course, when it comes to me the obvious "race" is white - I am fairer than the new-fallen snow. Fortunately, neither of the girls inherited my easily sunburned and freckled skin! T's dad brought dinner over for my birthday and told us that he told the cook at the Chinese restaurant and his son married "an American" and to make sure the food was not spicy! I guess that would make our girls half Chinese, half American?

Last week, when I registered Em for kindergarten at the private Christian school, there was a new box to check next to race. After listing all the "options", White, Hispanic, Asian, Pacific Islander, African American and Other, it said "Mixed Race" and asked for the two races. Now, I understand as a teacher that they ask this so they can attempt to make the classes balanced. It was difficult enough with all the other options, now we have to throw in mixed. Interesting... So, I guess this is what it will look like for my girls?

My favorite definition of who my girls are, though, had to have come from Kt. She is my thinker. Most of her perception of the world is in her head and only rarely is unleashed for us to correct!! When she was 5 and in kindergarten, I received a note from her teacher one day. This was unusual because her teacher, while having a great sense of humor is not very relational. I was surprised by my first note after months of school but very pleasantly! She wrote to me that Kt had shared with her classmates (around the time of Chinese New Year) that she was "half Chinese, half Connecticut." That remains for me a great definition of who she is, or at least who she thinks she is, racially. But for now, I will refrain from writing that on their registration forms!!