Em is 5 and today I was thinking about how funny she is. She is a walking, talking book of hysterical material!! I could not even record all of the funny things she says and does because they all happen so quickly and they are more numerous than anyone would have the time to read!
It occurred to me tonight, though, while I was putting her to bed and she was talking on and on about absolutely nothing that I have little recollection of Kt at this same age. Three years ago, when I might have been enjoying this same age of my first daughter I was totally and completely consumed by my father's illness and death that I don't think I was able to enjoy her the way I can now with Em. At the same time, there were many days when they both were my saving grace, the thing that kept me from slipping into depression or taking myself too seriously. They were a priceless gift to me during that time.
Kt told me today that she had a very difficult experience today. A classmate's grandfather came in to see how his grandson was doing and she said this grandfather reminded her of Pabu. He looked like him, sounded like him and had many of the same mannerisms. I know she really misses him and I really miss him for her. I know what that is like, to see what I don't have and the very empty space this always reveals. But for all that we don't have anymore, we still have each other and the hope that we have that we will be with Pabu again someday.
So, as Em told me for 100th time tonight that she loves me and I cuddled her into bed, prayed with her and had waited for her 7 trips to the bathroom for one more thing, she exclaimed after being tucked in, that she was "totally sweating," even though it is about 40 degrees outside, I realized how lucky I am that I can enjoy 5 years old when I missed it the first time. And now, I'm all caught up!
It occurred to me tonight, though, while I was putting her to bed and she was talking on and on about absolutely nothing that I have little recollection of Kt at this same age. Three years ago, when I might have been enjoying this same age of my first daughter I was totally and completely consumed by my father's illness and death that I don't think I was able to enjoy her the way I can now with Em. At the same time, there were many days when they both were my saving grace, the thing that kept me from slipping into depression or taking myself too seriously. They were a priceless gift to me during that time.
Kt told me today that she had a very difficult experience today. A classmate's grandfather came in to see how his grandson was doing and she said this grandfather reminded her of Pabu. He looked like him, sounded like him and had many of the same mannerisms. I know she really misses him and I really miss him for her. I know what that is like, to see what I don't have and the very empty space this always reveals. But for all that we don't have anymore, we still have each other and the hope that we have that we will be with Pabu again someday.
So, as Em told me for 100th time tonight that she loves me and I cuddled her into bed, prayed with her and had waited for her 7 trips to the bathroom for one more thing, she exclaimed after being tucked in, that she was "totally sweating," even though it is about 40 degrees outside, I realized how lucky I am that I can enjoy 5 years old when I missed it the first time. And now, I'm all caught up!
3 comments:
Awesome! Wish her a Happy Birthday for me :).
I will, but her birthday was in January. Funny you mentioned it, though, because last night when I reread the post I thought people might think it was her birthday!!
Oops, oh well better late then never :).
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