This afternoon, Kt came bursting through the front door and proceeded to blurt out to me, "I only got a check today (behavior) and can I do my homework outside?" Well, being not so happy about the check, seeing as the temperature outside is in the lower 50's at best and given the fact that homework tends to not be finished when I have allowed these kinds of activities, I simply said, "No." Now, to me, that's pretty clear. I explained that she has a brownie meeting tonight, that all her homework must be completed before that meeting and given our last few lapses in homework judgment I thought it best that she get her work done right now, inside and away from her friends.
She sat right down and began to negotiate down to the very last detail. Can she do her homework half now, half later? Can she do her reading, then take a break? Can she finish her spelling downstairs?? The list went on as she completed each assignment and I checked them. After about 10 minutes of this, the doorbell rang. It was our neighbor, three years Kt's elder, coming to find out when Kt would be joining her outside for homework. Kt walks over to me and says, "Can I do my homework outside?"
Now, I admit, I can be a pushover sometimes AND I tend to not be very good at multitasking, so if I am reading or doing something on the computer, it is hard for me to stop and redirect my attention and focus on something else. I might even be a little ADHD. But this is something that really irks even me. Didn't I JUST answer that question 10 minutes earlier??? Adding insult to injury, when I answered her and she went back to tell her friend, "No." the friend replied with, "Are you sure?"
After this exchange, I asked Kt why she would ask me a question that I had just answered, that she knew the answer to. I didn't get a very good answer, at least I didn't think it was good because I knew she did it so that I would be the guilty party. I could tell when she asked me that she expected the answer to be the same, not for me to give in. She just needed her friend, who can be very intimidating, to hear it from me, the culpable party.
I can't say I don't play a part in this kind of underhanded behavior. I am always telling the girls to "go ask your father" when I already know the answer. Sometimes I like him to be the meany, though, so I don't look to be the bad one all the time!
At times, I have made Kt be the bad guy with her friends. This time I did not do that. Is it wrong to take that weight off of our children, even if it is only once in a while? Or is it more important to be consistent with them?? I'd vote for the first choice, because I don't always like the consequence of the latter. I also sometimes swear I can see a sense of relief flood my child's whole body when I stand up and take the blame for something she really didn't want to do anyway.
Kt is downstairs now, finishing up her homework. She has done a wonderful job on it all and can now go to her brownie meeting tonight with everything done, happy parents and the hope of being able to spend a little time outside with her friends on another less busy day. Oh, the lessons we all have to learn everyday!
She sat right down and began to negotiate down to the very last detail. Can she do her homework half now, half later? Can she do her reading, then take a break? Can she finish her spelling downstairs?? The list went on as she completed each assignment and I checked them. After about 10 minutes of this, the doorbell rang. It was our neighbor, three years Kt's elder, coming to find out when Kt would be joining her outside for homework. Kt walks over to me and says, "Can I do my homework outside?"
Now, I admit, I can be a pushover sometimes AND I tend to not be very good at multitasking, so if I am reading or doing something on the computer, it is hard for me to stop and redirect my attention and focus on something else. I might even be a little ADHD. But this is something that really irks even me. Didn't I JUST answer that question 10 minutes earlier??? Adding insult to injury, when I answered her and she went back to tell her friend, "No." the friend replied with, "Are you sure?"
After this exchange, I asked Kt why she would ask me a question that I had just answered, that she knew the answer to. I didn't get a very good answer, at least I didn't think it was good because I knew she did it so that I would be the guilty party. I could tell when she asked me that she expected the answer to be the same, not for me to give in. She just needed her friend, who can be very intimidating, to hear it from me, the culpable party.
I can't say I don't play a part in this kind of underhanded behavior. I am always telling the girls to "go ask your father" when I already know the answer. Sometimes I like him to be the meany, though, so I don't look to be the bad one all the time!
At times, I have made Kt be the bad guy with her friends. This time I did not do that. Is it wrong to take that weight off of our children, even if it is only once in a while? Or is it more important to be consistent with them?? I'd vote for the first choice, because I don't always like the consequence of the latter. I also sometimes swear I can see a sense of relief flood my child's whole body when I stand up and take the blame for something she really didn't want to do anyway.
Kt is downstairs now, finishing up her homework. She has done a wonderful job on it all and can now go to her brownie meeting tonight with everything done, happy parents and the hope of being able to spend a little time outside with her friends on another less busy day. Oh, the lessons we all have to learn everyday!
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