There is just not way around this one, I'm convinced. I've been up all night with the story of this little girl who's not so little anymore. A part of her always will be, though, because when her daddy left, he forgot to return to help his daughter grow up. Fortunately, another man stepped in and tried to fill his shoes the best he could, and he did a fabulous job. But there are some things only a real daddy can do, and this one...
He took off one day and married his girlfriend, had another child, a son. In the mind of his little girl to this day is the "reality" that that was all he ever wanted, a son, and she would never be good enough. In her pursuit of "good enough," she has had disappointment after disappointment. There was counseling in second grade, being diagnosed with a learning disability, being in special ed. most of her educational career, competing not only with this stellar half brother but two other stepbrothers of her stepfather, being a troubled teenager minus a daddy. The list goes on.
When she went off to college, it was the shock of the century. No one believed in her, her mom and stepfather were consumed with his illness, her father griped about how he probably couldn't afford to help her much, the "special ed." teachers even deserted her, claiming she wasn't really learning disabled after all. Thankfully, her boyfriend and their family stepped in, helped her fill out college applications and essays, drove her up and down the East coast for visits home, called her, wrote her, and tried to keep her head above the water. She saw something different in them, but there was this nagging need to be accepted by her father.
Every holiday, every special event, every vacation there is that nagging question: do I call him? or should I wait to see if he calls me? It continues from there: does he care about me? does he love his son more? will he even want to see me? do I matter to him at all?? And the clincher: what can I do to make him notice me? see me? love me?
Time goes on. Stepdad passes away, mom remarries a man with three stepsisters who live up to the famous "cinderella" tale, dad tries slightly harder because he recognizes a void AND a way out of his financial "obligations" having a distant daughter requires of him. She is getting married. She is taking a big step for someone who is a casualty of this split. She has given her boyfriend 8 years and has decided he can be trusted so now, daddy has something to be proud of her about. Does she let him walk her down the aisle? A father who was absent her entire life, who begrudgingly fulfilled minimal financial obligations on her behalf, whose wife fits all the criteria for (I'll let you fill the blank in here!), who is excited to be gaining another son. Her new family encourages her to let him in, maybe against their better judgement, and she does. It's awkward, it's kind of sad, no one knows how to act, whether they show their true emotions without being misunderstood. When it's all over, the only positive thing out of that experience was the satisfaction of knowing she'd tried.
Being married, while it is a good and strong relationship, just doesn't fill the big hole created in a toddler's heart. Even coming to know Jesus Christ as her personal savior didn't extinguish the deep need to be loved by an earthly father. Months of training couldn't have prepared for this moment, on vacation, when she invited her father, stepmother (who declined) and her stepbrother to participate in a 5K while on her vacation. She had spent months getting in shape, running race after race to be ready to impress. She knew in her heart that daddy would be really proud of his son, but might he also take an interest in his beautiful, stealth daughter?
She and her brother started the race together. Her father waited, camera in hand, at the finish line with her mother-in-law. When her brother crossed the finish line, there was proud father, clicking photos, waving him on. When she crossed, there was mother-in-law clicking photos... not daddy. The thought had never crossed his mind to click even one picture of his gorgeous daughter. In fact, the ride home was going to be long and his wife was expecting him back right away, so that "bite to eat" and visit never happened either.
Here we are, it's Christmas. He has made more attempts to contact his daughter, but she has likely made more. She has shrugged off the summer's experience, as she has done so many other times in her life, as just the way her father is. He loves his son more than her loves her. And if the summer and the thousands of other experiences hasn't confirmed that, maybe his last conversation with her has finally laid it all out for her.
To me, it's a conversation that never had to happen. It was not necessary. We could have assumed as much without him bringing it up. He has made some good financial decisions for once in his life, some real estate investments that have really paid off well. In fact, now that she is someone else's responsibility, the money is just rolling in (no need to hide it anymore!). BUT, he just wanted her to know that when he dies, not to expect much. The fortune will not be divided EVENLY, she should know that.
As I'm sitting across from my sister-in-law (actually, she's standing, because of those lovely people at the mall!) I cannot contain my disdain at this poor excuse for a father. How could he say such a thing to his beautiful daughter that I have grown to love so much? I have come to the same, horrible conclusion that she has always believed in her own heart. I mean, who wouldn't? The writing is on the wall. And she says to me, what I already know, "It's not about money. I never thought there would be anything for me anyway." OH, if only he had known that before he opened his big, fat mouth.
I'm so thankful that we found Aunt J. Really, Jesus found her, brought her to us, and has begun to heal this terribly broken heart. It's not the kind of thing that happens overnight, because it's a continual process. I mean, this guy just keeps breaking it over and over again. It's a battle my brother has entered. It's enraging to watch this happen repeatedly to someone you love. And while he would prefer to take her away from this situation, it's a journey she has to complete.
I'm sure there are children out there who face this same situation and their parent never left, but there is a different dimension to the pain when the parent is absent. We have tried to love Aunt J with our whole hearts, but we recognize the pain as very real, very present. Remember dads, it may look like it's about money, but it really never is. They just want a piece of your heart.
He took off one day and married his girlfriend, had another child, a son. In the mind of his little girl to this day is the "reality" that that was all he ever wanted, a son, and she would never be good enough. In her pursuit of "good enough," she has had disappointment after disappointment. There was counseling in second grade, being diagnosed with a learning disability, being in special ed. most of her educational career, competing not only with this stellar half brother but two other stepbrothers of her stepfather, being a troubled teenager minus a daddy. The list goes on.
When she went off to college, it was the shock of the century. No one believed in her, her mom and stepfather were consumed with his illness, her father griped about how he probably couldn't afford to help her much, the "special ed." teachers even deserted her, claiming she wasn't really learning disabled after all. Thankfully, her boyfriend and their family stepped in, helped her fill out college applications and essays, drove her up and down the East coast for visits home, called her, wrote her, and tried to keep her head above the water. She saw something different in them, but there was this nagging need to be accepted by her father.
Every holiday, every special event, every vacation there is that nagging question: do I call him? or should I wait to see if he calls me? It continues from there: does he care about me? does he love his son more? will he even want to see me? do I matter to him at all?? And the clincher: what can I do to make him notice me? see me? love me?
Time goes on. Stepdad passes away, mom remarries a man with three stepsisters who live up to the famous "cinderella" tale, dad tries slightly harder because he recognizes a void AND a way out of his financial "obligations" having a distant daughter requires of him. She is getting married. She is taking a big step for someone who is a casualty of this split. She has given her boyfriend 8 years and has decided he can be trusted so now, daddy has something to be proud of her about. Does she let him walk her down the aisle? A father who was absent her entire life, who begrudgingly fulfilled minimal financial obligations on her behalf, whose wife fits all the criteria for (I'll let you fill the blank in here!), who is excited to be gaining another son. Her new family encourages her to let him in, maybe against their better judgement, and she does. It's awkward, it's kind of sad, no one knows how to act, whether they show their true emotions without being misunderstood. When it's all over, the only positive thing out of that experience was the satisfaction of knowing she'd tried.
Being married, while it is a good and strong relationship, just doesn't fill the big hole created in a toddler's heart. Even coming to know Jesus Christ as her personal savior didn't extinguish the deep need to be loved by an earthly father. Months of training couldn't have prepared for this moment, on vacation, when she invited her father, stepmother (who declined) and her stepbrother to participate in a 5K while on her vacation. She had spent months getting in shape, running race after race to be ready to impress. She knew in her heart that daddy would be really proud of his son, but might he also take an interest in his beautiful, stealth daughter?
She and her brother started the race together. Her father waited, camera in hand, at the finish line with her mother-in-law. When her brother crossed the finish line, there was proud father, clicking photos, waving him on. When she crossed, there was mother-in-law clicking photos... not daddy. The thought had never crossed his mind to click even one picture of his gorgeous daughter. In fact, the ride home was going to be long and his wife was expecting him back right away, so that "bite to eat" and visit never happened either.
Here we are, it's Christmas. He has made more attempts to contact his daughter, but she has likely made more. She has shrugged off the summer's experience, as she has done so many other times in her life, as just the way her father is. He loves his son more than her loves her. And if the summer and the thousands of other experiences hasn't confirmed that, maybe his last conversation with her has finally laid it all out for her.
To me, it's a conversation that never had to happen. It was not necessary. We could have assumed as much without him bringing it up. He has made some good financial decisions for once in his life, some real estate investments that have really paid off well. In fact, now that she is someone else's responsibility, the money is just rolling in (no need to hide it anymore!). BUT, he just wanted her to know that when he dies, not to expect much. The fortune will not be divided EVENLY, she should know that.
As I'm sitting across from my sister-in-law (actually, she's standing, because of those lovely people at the mall!) I cannot contain my disdain at this poor excuse for a father. How could he say such a thing to his beautiful daughter that I have grown to love so much? I have come to the same, horrible conclusion that she has always believed in her own heart. I mean, who wouldn't? The writing is on the wall. And she says to me, what I already know, "It's not about money. I never thought there would be anything for me anyway." OH, if only he had known that before he opened his big, fat mouth.
I'm so thankful that we found Aunt J. Really, Jesus found her, brought her to us, and has begun to heal this terribly broken heart. It's not the kind of thing that happens overnight, because it's a continual process. I mean, this guy just keeps breaking it over and over again. It's a battle my brother has entered. It's enraging to watch this happen repeatedly to someone you love. And while he would prefer to take her away from this situation, it's a journey she has to complete.
I'm sure there are children out there who face this same situation and their parent never left, but there is a different dimension to the pain when the parent is absent. We have tried to love Aunt J with our whole hearts, but we recognize the pain as very real, very present. Remember dads, it may look like it's about money, but it really never is. They just want a piece of your heart.
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