My oldest child has taken to sharing with others either what I am not willing to hear or what she chooses not to share with me. This year has started off with us not wanting to overwhelm her with activities. We gave up Girl Scouts - her choice, signed up for G/T math - her choice, signed her up for gymnastics - again, her choice, signed her up for piano - again, her choice, and we are now considering band, my choice. Maybe I'm just being the vicarious mom here, but I have my reasons.
First of all, I loved band. I only chose to be in band because ALL my friends were in band, and yes, we all played the flute together!! I don't see the same thing happening here, and that could be because Kt is not with any of her friends this year. In fact, the entire spirit of competition has seemed to vanish from her life. Not only does she not tell me what every single one of her friends is doing, but she claims to not know and seems to not care. Even when she brought home permission forms for two different G/T extra classes that she loves, she decided to only sign up for one, something she would never have done last year, passing up an opportunity to spend even more time in an exclusive class with her friends. In fact, she does not even know, has not even called her friends, who is going to be in that class. Weird, I tell you!!
Secondly, I really want her to experience something as a team. She has consistently, since the time she was young, thoroughly hated anything competitive. That is, everything except the brainy stuff, which she typically welcomes the competition in because she is quite sure of herself in that arena. If you aren't going to play sports, I think band is a great alternative in that it teaches you how to work together to make music, something she enjoys. She doesn't really see any value in that aspect of it, of course, she has never even tried!
Finally, it's free! Other renting an instrument for a nominal fee, she would have two music lessons a week for FREE! After forking out $30/week for piano, $50/month for gymnastics + registration and clothes, I'm all for something free. Even that is not enticing to her. Instead, I'm just being "pushy" and "annoying".
Today, she begrudgingly missed Language Arts so she could sit down with the music teacher and explain to her that she already takes piano and feels that taking a musical instrument would take away from her piano practice time. What??? I kept my mouth shut, but I'm lucky if I can get this girl to practice for 10 minutes a day!! And she has plenty of time, I kid you not! I guess what she's really saying is, "My mom is making me do this and I'm telling you I really don't respect that at all!"
Anyway, the music teacher/counselor is a woman after my own heart. She laid it out for Kt how beneficial music could be for her piano and handed her a couple of instruments to try. It's either flute, which I played for a long, long time, or french horn, which I have no experience with so she'd be on her own! I'll leave it up to her, but I can tell it's going to be an uphill battle. Is it even worth it? I'm having major second thoughts.
On a final note, playing the flute for fun earned me 3 1/2 years of scholarships at Gordon that amounted to $7,500 toward my education. I'm not proud to say that I wasn't a great musician because I limited my practice time and dedication, but I am saying that even minimal effort can be valuable. I played in the wind ensemble and a flute quartet, but my kids have never been hampered by my ability. In fact, I've pretty much been non-musical to them because I gave it all up when I started teaching. Maybe that was a mistake, or maybe it will just help to lighten the load for my daughter.
I guess our next round of counseling will revolve around the swimming coach, because next summer she'll be on the swim team, if only just for a year. Hey, I never made her play soccer or basketball. I feel the need to be mean at least once or twice in her lifetime. Someday, I really do think she'll see the value in it, just maybe not in my lifetime!
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