Competition is not my favorite part of life, but it's something we all face almost daily in so many ways. As a kid, I never participated willingly in any kind of sports competition, I was not athletic and contact sports scared the heebie-jeebies out of me! I did, however, enter art competitions and participated in band competitions. They were definitely good experiences, none of which I would say "scarred me for life" when I lost!
The idea I've seen tossed around in elementary school circles for years is this idea that kids should never lose or be excluded in any way. It's just not worthy of the time spent in arguing in my humble opinion. Today, on cnn.com, they have a brief article about this very topic, and it peaked my interest as I just participated in and won an online game competition and this very topic has once again come to light!
Having formerly been a first grade teacher, I have to dispute some of the comments made in this article about friends and exclusion. First of all, there are many young children who have only a few exclusive friends. To say that young children's friendships change from day to day is a statement that I think applies to a minority of children. My own daughter has been in a circle of 4 friends since kindergarten and she is now entering third grade. These five girls have been very close for the last three years and I don't see that changing day to day!
Secondly, the birthday party thing has just gotten WAY out of hand. It's gotten to the point where you must invite the whole class or not have a party, and I'm sorry but there are maybe a handful of parents who can afford a birthday party today for 20-30 kids, as class sizes are now going out the roof!! I see no problem teaching your children to be sensitive to others. Invite their 4 best friends, send in cupcakes for the whole class and tell your child their party is cancelled if anyone other than those four friends finds out about the party!! so as not to hurt anyone's feelings.
Truth be told, my daughter has been excluded from other parties and it's a GREAT lesson to teach your children. Embrace that teachable moment, not by committing to always invite everyone to your parties, not by excluding that HORRIBLE, ROTTEN classmate who left your child out (PALEEEASE!) but by explaining to your child the difficulties we face in life when we have to make difficult decisions. If you find that you excluded and hurt someone's feelings, then set up a single playdate with just that person and make it special! Decide how to use those situations to teach your child a valuable lesson about friendship, not revenge or bullying.
Finally, competition can be healthy and is the perfect way to introduce the concept of sportsmanship to your child. For a few years, I was the chairman of the Fine Arts committee at a small Christian school. Each year we would run a very organized week long competition that included many fine arts categories, including art, drama, music and a big spelling bee. Each year, at the onset and close of each competition, we would review letters written by parents bemoaning the idea of having a competition in a Christian school. It was pathetic!! I felt like asking them all, "How do you think I got this job as a teacher here? Did I walk in and say, 'You must hire me because I'm a Christian, I want this job and it doesn't really matter if there are others more qualified than me to work here!'?"
In the competition, the kids signed up to be in it. If you don't like it, don't sign up. They knew when they signed up that there would be winners, there would be some who did not win but that every participant would be recognized. The whole week was AMAZING!! We'd have judges come in from outside the school who left wonderful compliments for these kids, we would end with performances by students, dramas and an art show for all to enjoy. We celebrated the accomplishments of students who obviously spent hours preparing for this event and no participant was unrecognized. But still, each year, complaint after complaint.... I guess that is a part of life as well!!
Sending my children to public school has presented many choices for me that I've had to weigh very carefully. I'm not completely thrilled with everything my children or I have encountered, but it's my choice to take each situation and shape it into something that will grow me and my children into people who are wiser, more Christ-like and better prepared for the world. I have not always succeeded in this endeavor, but that doesn't mean I'm throwing in the towel. It means I have to work harder to recognize when I'm being challenged and what I want to teach my children from that situation.
I don't want to be the whiner and complainer if that means my children will always be included in everything just to feel good about themselves. I will whine and complain, though, when the safety or education of my child is compromised. The idea of competition in life, well, it just doesn't interfere, in my opinion, in the safety or education of children. It only strives to prepare children for the real world!
2 comments:
I whole-heartedly agree with you. I am tired of schools not giving kids grades when they are younger because it may harm them, it didn't seem to harm me. In Kristin's middle school they didn't have honor roll because they didn't want the kids who didn't make it to feel bad. How bizarre is that, you don't recognize the kids who are doing well so you don't make the kids who aren't feel bad, makes sense to me. It is ridiculous to try and shelter your kids from competition or being excluded, it's a part of life, that's why we have a generation of some kids(notice I say some kids because there are some parents who don't subscribe to this idea) who feel they are entitled to things instead of working for them.
Thanks for the mind provoking thoughts.
Joyce
Thank YOU! I feel that the trend to not recognize those students who clearly deserve recognition is what is contributing to the decline in discipline in public schools and recreationally. I'm stupified by the number of parents who watch their children misbehaving and get upset with those in authority who have to discipline their children when they refuse. On field trips, school event, at the pool, it's crazy!!
Entitlement is a dangerous belief!
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