Your Neighbors or Your Family??

Here in America, we truly value our privacy. It's really a way of life for us. We build fences, put up curtains or blinds, park in our garages, lock our doors and have answering machines to collect messages when we don't feel like being bothered with numerous phone calls. In my lifetime, the idea of a close-knit community is just not something I've ever been exposed to in this country. In fact, anything other than what I'm accustomed to here is just not even a thought in my mind.

Yesterday, we had two women bring a couple suitcases of items for my husband's team to take along to Cameroon. They came from a distance, so we invited them in for a drink, all the while wondering how long they would stay as we'd planned to run the girls to the pool for a swim and our dinner was ready and waiting for us! As they sat and sipped and asked about our neighborhood, we used those couple of minutes we were "graciously" giving them to ask some funny Cameroonian questions.

T started with a general question: So, what should we expect to find? They both laughed. I mean, really, how would anyone put that into words!! I chimed in with: What he really wants to know is whether or not there will be any soda there!! With that, we all laughed. I had assured T that Coke is universal and I had a pretty good feeling that he would be able to get Fanta, as that was everywhere in Mexico. Sure enough, one of the women said, "Of course! Coke and Fanta!" At which point I nearly lost it!

Once beyond the funny stuff, the women started to really paint a picture for us of a place so much different than we know. It started with a statement like this: Your neighbors in Cameroon know everything about you. They are more important than your family! I instantly expressed the American look of shock. Neighbors? I must have gasped! I mean, we have great neighbors, but not one of them would even reach the level of importance that my family has to me. They went on to describe how the minute you are off the phone, your neighbors know about your entire conversation. They know more about you than your family or distant friends. This extends as far as your child care. One mentioned that if you left your child with a neighbor, you could trust that your child would be well taken care of for upwards of MONTHS without you being around.

I really had to stretch for that one. I cannot imagine leaving my child with a family member for more than a week or so, but neighbors?? for months??? Not to mention the imposition I'd be feeling should a neighbor of mine even suggest adding my burden of my own two children for months!! What is the origin of such behavior? Why is that accepted in this culture and completely foreign to my thinking?

Their point in sharing this with us was to illustrate why a trip for them to Cameroon would involve weeks, not just days. They were trying to come to terms with the fact that our group would only be in Cameroon for twelve days when for them they would need weeks in order to spend the proper amount of time with their extended families, but more importantly with their neighbors, who likely are tending to some of their valuable while they are living and working in the U.S. Wow.

I started realizing that this trip for T would really challenge his way of living, his thinking, his world as we know it. We have heard from many that this culture they are entering is all about relationships. Spending a day with friends or visitors is acceptable in place of business or work. It's a culture about people, not about what you do or what you have. It's so anti-American in it's foundation that it almost seems evil to share any of our "anti-social culture" with them. I mean, what do we have to offer them that would be more important that building relationships??

What would America look like if we spent half our time cultivating relationships instead of acquiring material possessions? What if every American employer gave days off for entertaining visitors and getting to know our neighbors? What if daycare was provided by our trusted neighbors, who were given full reign over our child's discipline, shaping and encouraging? What if we always belonged somewhere instead facing the curse of not-belonging anywhere? or the feeling of aloneness?

So much of our culture is evident in the state of our mental health, I think. I cannot list the number of my friends who see therapists and are treated with anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds for more disorders than I have ever heard of. Maybe the real culprit in this is our lack of ability to form meaningful and thriving relationships due to our love of privacy and independence that is encouraged by our culture. I don't see an end to that kind of lifestyle in this country. I am wondering what our team will find in a culture so unlike our own!