So, a couple weekends ago T had the opportunity to speak on a Navigator retreat for high school students. It was fun, the girls and I went along, did lots of swimming and froze our bottoms off at the cold beach. We had just finished an exhausting week with T's dad having surgery, finding out our little puppy has a fatal kidney disease and changing all our Thanksgiving plans. A weekend away was refreshing and much needed.
T spoke on a Faith to Follow, and included ideas about our place in the world, fulfilling our purpose and reaching the lost. It was fun to sit in on a couple of his talks, even if I had to make word searches for Em or watch the cutest little 5-month old boy while his mommy took a little break. The group of students was small and made up of mostly Christian, many homeschooled, teenagers. They were a nice group and a couple of them actually talked to me!! (I'm really very scary, so I was surprised! LOL)
Toward the end of his last talk on reaching the lost, there was a rumbling in the room. One of the leaders hinted to T that the students might need a few ideas on how to. In one of the most eye-opening and frightening moments in all our ministry to teens, it occurred to me that these homeschooled kids were not connecting at all to what T was saying. As he continued to talk about reaching the nations, being the voice of God to the unreached, hands began to go up. The first girl said exactly this, "But I am homeschooled." That was it. It wasn't a question, it was a statement and I was completely floored!!
In that second, I realized that these kids, about half of them, were all going to make the same statement. It sounded to me like, "You don't make any sense to me. This is irrelevant. I have no connection with the world." Another asked, "What am I supposed to do to reach the lost?" I couldn't resist, call it the scary, insensitive side of me, but I had to say, "Get a job!!!" I thought T would kick me out!! Seriously, though, I am not under the impression that these homeschooled kids never come face to face with a non-believer. They have neighbors, friends on sports teams, they babysit, go to birthday parties, and I bet they even have other homeschooled friends who are not Christians. I guess what shocked me was their apathy about answering the call of Christ to reach the world for Him. Their situation, being homeschooled, was like a crutch that could get them out of actually participating in mission.
Not being the biggest fan of homeschooling, I have to say I was insensed by this attitude. A whole weekend of material that they were basically calling irrelevant to them because they are sheltered in a home environment that does not allow them to participate in the work of the church. I realize this does not encompass all homeschooled kids or situations, but even more shocking was the general consensus among the half of those kids that this was the case. Not even one of them had a good idea or example to share of how they were able to be used by God in a life. It was so sad, and if you are a homeschooling parent, I would urge you to seek experiences for your children to be in the real world.
While driving home, I shared my shock with T, who shared a lot of the same sentiments I did. I had to admit that they reminded me of the time in my own life when I felt completely surrounded on all sides by only believers. It was almost suffocating! I had to make a conscious decision to reach out beyond that community into the world we are all called to be part of, to make an impact on. I hope I never again sound like those kids on that day, dumbfounded that anyone might suggest I should leave my nice, cushy suburban life and seek the real world. God didn't create me to stay inside, He's calling me out.
10 comments:
Apathy is not just unique to homeschooled children. Consider how many ADULTS show up for a prayer meeting or go out to evangelize the lost. The answer is not many. The fact that these children were homeschooled is largely irrelevant. Jesus had to tell the disciples to GO and make disciples because it isn't our natural tendency to do so. The surprising thing is not that these homeschooleded students were apathetic but why you would be surprised by this.
I suspect that stems more from your preconceived notion about what homeschooling is and the expectation most expect of perfection among homeschoolers.
The difference might be that these homeschoolers were just being honest, where others have already learned how to fake it and play along during the teaching time, leave and go on with life as ususal. That's the way most American Christians approach church teaching these days.
Hmm.. you have a good point. I was surprised because in our own church youth group we have a homeschooled kids who are part of our youth missions program at church. Not one of them has ever expressed the attitude that being in the world is impossible for them because they are homeschooled. I was surprised that these particular homeschooled kids (and their leader) felt that the message being delivered might not actually apply to them or be relevant to them. That doesn't scare you??
I think it's important for parents of homeschooled kids to make an effort to get their kids involved in the world outside the home. Otherwise what are these kids going to do when it's time to leave home?? I am familiar enough with homeschooling to know this can be done, surprised to see how it sometimes (and maybe more frequently than I realize!) it isn't at all. There wasn't one example we gave - getting a job, joining a sports team, doing outreach - that spoke to any of those kids. I was surprised - you aren't??
Apathy in American Christians?? Well, that is just the pinnacle of the American Christian experience, but I'd like to see an end to that. It is the defining characteristic of most suburban Christians and could likely be the greatest downfall of the church in our generation. It's created party by not wanting to deal with the world first hand, because of the influence it has on us and our children. It leads to many parents... homeschooling. I think there are many good reasons for homeschooling, this is not one of them.
The kids that weekend, each of them, has a unique purpose in this world and has the potential to be a world changer. I just wish they had the opportunity to do just that!
This bothers me very much. The last thing I want as a homeschooling mother is the assumption by others that we have chosen to homeschool our kids to prevent them from dealing with the world first hand. I chose to homeschool so that each of my children could learn on their own time, by the unique gifts and brains that God has given them. I did not want them to be forced to learn "what and when" according to someone else's timetable. Only God knows when they are ready and if we provide the atmosphere and materials, learning will happen. So goes their spiritual journey as well.
The fact that these homeschooled children were present and took the time to ask questions (however baffled and apathetic they appeared to be) shows they have taken their first baby step in learning how to reach out to others. It may take days, weeks, months, or years for what they heard to finally sink in, but it's a start, and we have no way of knowing right now how they will blossom in the future.
Their opportunity to change the world will come. Some will recognize it, some won't. But that is the case with the entire human race.
I also agree with spunky that their was honesty among these homeschoolers, whereas others have learned to keep their mouths shut and pretend to understand.
Have faith that what T said planted seeds, and those seeds will grow and spread someday.
Love you D!
Well, there was certainly a reason God wanted those particular kids to hear what T (or God) had to say, I won't deny that! As for reasons to homeschool, I've heard them all. I have many friends who homeschool and having been a teacher, I've debated with many others about it. We've even considered it for our own children based on differing circumstances. I'm not really talking about that, though.
I think that parents who homeschool have a greater responsibility in teaching their children about the world. They actually have to make an effort to include their children in life outside their house. I don't really think you would disagree with me on that. I send my kids off to public school, and honestly, that's about all I want them to see of the world! They bring home with them life lessons for us to sort through together, some are really awesome, others I wish they'd not learned so early. That's just how we have chosen to expose our children to life, and they are things that, if I choose to homeschool, I would want to recreate for them at home to learn from, but I would be extremely challenged in finding ways to do that!
High School aged kids, many of these heading off to college by next year, in this case were not really asking T how to be in the world. They were telling him they can't. I guess that's not really that clear in what I wrote. After 4 sessions about making their own faith real and authentic and being responsive to what Jesus asks all Christians to do, they were saying, "Well, we can't do that because we're homeschooled."
I doubt your children would say the same, because I know your kids do things beyond just staying home, working on schoolwork. I'm sure if you heard the same words come out of your child's mouth, you'd do something about it! Am I right? You would never allow your children to use their homeschooling status as a crutch or an excuse. If they were ready, like I'm assuming all these kids were, you would make sure they had every opportunity available to them.
I'm still surprised - not about anything you both have said, but that with all the opportunities available they still think it's impossible. Our church youth group, as I'm sure many are, is an outreach youth group. I can name lists of kids who were brought by friends and came to know Christ through that ministry, and the homeschooled kids that come know these kids as well. Many of the homeschooled kids meet non-believers in our youth group, in our small groups, going to church on Sunday... It's really not impossible.
One last thing I've learned from my own two small children is that the minute you commit your life to Christ, He begins to use you. What I would really love to let all these homeschooled kids from that trip know is that, whether they think so or not, God has already used them in the life of an unbeliever. They might not be aware of it, but He has. I am amazed at the impact my kids have on their friends at school, in our neighborhood, at the mall! There is no limit on what God can do through us, in us, around us...
But I think you know that already, because I know you, and I think your kids are awesome! And I think you're a wonderful homeschooling mom! (and dad, can't leave him out!)
I'm a bit surprised that you're surprised at how isolated these kids are. I've been homeschooling my kids for 10 years. I can't tell you how many times, back in the beginning, we'd go to a group event that was advertised as "all are welcome" only to be avoided by other mothers and to have my kids shunned by the other kids.
All it took was for them to say, "Hi! What church do you go to?" And when I named my church, they'd give me a tight little smile and then not speak to me again.
My daughter did have fun on the playground with another little girl at a new homeschool park day once--they were about 7 or 8 at the time. And then the girl asked the inevitable question. When my daughter told her the name of our church, the other little girl sighed and said, "Oh, that's too bad. You're going to Hell." And she walked away.
We stopped going to any event sponsored by a Christian group because they made it very clear to us that we were the wrong type of Christians.
- Francesca
That is interesting. Around here, we never assume that homeschooled children go to a church - that's just not the case. Many people homeschooled, whether churched or not. I wonder what church you do go to, though - now I'm curious! LOL
I guess the surprise came out of my experience with my friends who do homeschool. Most of my friends who homeschool have their children involved on sports teams, have regular playdates with neighbors and friends, participate in homeschool groups and classes (many not church based) and one of my friends takes her children every summer on family missions trips. With all these activities available, why are these particular kids feeling so isolated? or detached from non-believers?? I was shocked. It's not what my impression a majority of homeschoolers. Some, yes, but many? No.
My homeschooled, "secluded" 17 year old graduated a year early and is now serving as a fulltime missionarry to Mexico. Her 15yo sister is one of the very few teens in our church who actually has any degree of passion for the Lord and to serve Him. Most of her traditionally schooled friends are too busy comprimising their faith and trying to fit into the crowd to do much in the way of reaching out to the lost.
Deanna - We're Catholic.
- Francesca
Francesca,
I'm sorry that happened to you and that you don't feel welcomed with your local homeschool group. I hope you find one that understands the importance of teaching children that it's not our place to decide who does and does not go to heaven. That's completely up to God and based on the belief that Christ is the only way to God. The inclination of one's heart is something known only to Him.
I honestly believe that there are wonderful homeschooling families, Christian and non-christian. I just think that it is important to recognize as a homeschooling parent that your children need a sense of empowerment when it comes to their own faith and the practice of that in the world. When your kids are at home, that can really only come from you and the experiences you allow them to have.
If I were a homeschooling parent of a high school student, I would want to hear what I wrote, because chances are your children will never say to you what they said to us. If that exchange had happened earlier in the weekend, we might have been able to design an experience for them, but it happened just as we were packed up to leave. A whole weekend about reaching the world with your faith, only to hear that they didn't feel that message applied to them.
If you choose to homeschool your Christian children through high school, empower them, give them a chance to use their faith in a place they have never gone, to experience the world outside the home and don't let them be afraid of the world. The power within them is so much greater than that.
Blessings to you and your kids!
deanna
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