Doomsday

I'm about 1 hour away from a consultation with a cardiologist. I really don't like going to see doctors - it only adds to my stress and anxiety!! However, I feel like this one might be able to tell me what's really wrong with me. Question is: do I really want to know? Well, not really, but I guess I better find out. Dread.

UPDATE: OK, so I'm weird. I just needed a cardiologist to tell me. I have an extra heartbeat, not a missing one like I'd thought. I'm home now with a 24hour monitor on - no shower tomorrow. If you know where I work, don't come visit me tomorrow! =)

I'd like to say I have a real peace about this, but that probably won't come until I don't have to record every little beat I feel!! I am glad it seems to be something that is fairly common and they just don't treat it. (?) We'll see how that sits with my anxious little self.

For real, two doctors could find nothing wrong with me. I've been offered anti-anxiety meds, every kind of allergy med known to man and took them up on muscle relaxers so Tony wouldn't have to rub out the two big old knots in my back every morning, noon and night - he thought they were bones!! If I had an anxiety issue it was over knowing something was not right but not knowing what that something is!!

I'm feeling better, took myself off all unessential meds this past weekend and feel like that helped a lot. God - he's so ironic sometimes. Here I am, my last Bible study tomorrow on our Calm My Anxious Heart book, and He goes and gives me a real, live test. What a sense of humor there.... not! I can honestly say, however, that being able to rest in Him is what allowed me to say no to those meds. I'm not unapproving of medication - I practically live on them! But I knew in my heart (LOL) that there was something real here and that medicating a physical reaction to get help wasn't going to make it go away.

So, I'm all hooked up now, recording every little palpatation I feel. Fortunately, they've subsided quite a bit and hopefully the more I relax in the knowledge that I'm not on the verge of a major heart attack they'll subside even more. Of course, cutting out stress can't be such a bad thing... can it? hehe